Lessons Learned

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some better endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wonder how I get through the night,
Every change life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
All the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because they are gone,
Lessons learned.

Ahh I love Carrie Underwood :)

Well I didn't put that song up there just because I like it; although I do happen to LOVE it...but it pretty much sums up everything I wanted to write in this blog. These past couple days have been complete CHAOS in my head; I don't know what to think about anything anymore. I've always been the person that seems like they have their love life under control--but seriously, I haven't got a clue anymore.

I've never been told what to do by anyone other than my parents, and for some reason, in this relationship, while I'm not told exactly what I can and cannot do, I feel like I'm being made to feel bad about going out on a regular basis. I'm 18 years old, and maybe that's the problem with dating someone older. They've had their years to party, but what the heck, I'm just starting mine--and I happen to love it. It's so much different once you turn 21. You can sit around and be like "hey, lets go get a drink" and then go to a bar or restaurant, whatever. It's so much different for underage people like myself.

Pretty much, I could go on and on about all the things that bother me, but I'm going to choose not to for the sake of whomever may read this. But to put it bluntly, I just don't think I'm happy anymore--and I hate this feeling. I'm tired of being dependent on guys, but I'd rather be in a relationship any day than to be out talking to random guys and stuff at a bar. I have no clue what I'm going to do, I wish I could see the future...

I Hate Growing Up

Even though I always say that I love school, the start of this week has just been complete HELL. I didn't do anything that I said I was going to do over Spring Break, and I've come to realize that I'm the biggest procrastinator in the world.

I knew that I had an exam coming up today...but did I study over break? Absolutely not. I'm pretty sure I failed it today...and on top of that, didn't even get my lab report finished so I probably got a bad grade on that as well. What the heck is wrong with me? It's not like I even did anything productive over Spring Break. I still haven't found a car, still haven't got my eyes checked (I'm on my last pair and can't order any until I get them checked; AND I can't see worth shit right now), still haven't got my last hepatitis shot, and still haven't gotten my hair cut. I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm grown and moved out of my parents' house. I'm honestly scared to go to the doctor by myself because I'm scared that I'll pass out from the shot like I almost did last time. Car shopping, well, I'm just scared that I'm going to be ripped off on something because I'm a girl, and just in general--I hate being by myself.

All in all, I'm honestly scared of growing up. I know I talk to my parents like I've got everything under control and I know exactly what I'm supposed to do in life, but i have no clue. I don't really pay for anything right now. I mean my cell phone bill, all my food, clothes, and gas; but other than that, I have no idea where my money goes. I can't imagine going from this lifestyle I have right now to one where I have rent, utilities, insurance, car payments, and God knows what other bills. I want to move out of this house SO BAD sometimes because I just feel like I'm this huge inconvenience to my parents, but I just can't get up the balls to do it. Everything has been pretty much handed to me all my life, and while I thank my parents for always being there for me and providing me with that stuff, sometimes I do wish that I had it rough so that I would be more prepared for "going out into the real world."

I know I'm only 18...I'm still young and I have a long way to go--but I feel like I'm growing up too fast. I loved junior and senior year. I had so much fun, I was able to drive and do whatever the hell I felt like doing--minus the 12:00 curfew, but I still had a blast. Sometimes I just wish I could go back to high school. Wow.......never thought I would hear that come out of my mouth...

Hello!

So after having a livejournal and completely stopping posting entries on that for a good year or so, I've decided to give blogging another try. I know I won't be able to keep up with it; but hey, now I can vent to the computer screen anytime I need to. Sounds like a plan to me. Anyway, this is just a hello to those of you who might be reading this, I'll be sure to try and post a decent read-worthy blog in the near future. Love, me :)