I just wrote all that and I still can't seem to fall asleep. What the F is wrong with me?!?!
I'm in love...that's what's wrong. And I can't fall asleep without hearing his voice....
this shit sucks.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Depressedddd :(
It was so easy…ya know; so easy for him to just text me and say “I can’t be with you anymore.” Almost too easy. I’m still in shock…I don’t even know what to think. How could the ONE person that I KNOW I want to spend the rest of my life with (and who I thought wanted the same) just waltz right out of it like I was just another ant he squished on the sidewalk…not even knowing the damage he caused…
I want him back sooo badly…it’s so f*ing hard to just sit here and wonder what he’s thinking about, what he’s doing, anything and everything relating to him. I’m so scared that this is going to be my only chance…that I’ll never get another one to have him back in my life. I can’t help but wonder what’s going to happen now. I mean obviously, I’m going to be single for a lonnng time; I mean I can’t even imagine TALKING to another guy right now, let alone dating…but this sucks so bad. In the back of my mind I was always scared that this day would come, that I would let myself be vulnerable again and that…of course…once again, I would be left here with my heart broken.
At the same time though, when I really sit here and think about it, these past couple weeks have been by FAR the toughest in our relationship. Up until this point, we never really argued, but I kind of knew that summer school would be the time our relationship would be put to the test. It was our “make it or break it” moment…and I guess he just couldn’t make it. It’s sad though, knowing that the end of summer school is only 10 days away. And honestly, if he can’t make it 10 more days I have no idea how the hell we were supposed to make it 10’s of years.
I love Drew more than anything in the world. I know everyone knows that…but I can’t help but let everyone know over and over and over again. He really is the only person I can ever imagine myself lying next to at the end of a rough day and being automatically cheered up just by being in his presence and looking in his incredibly gorgeous blue eyes (that have their tendencies to change color but are incredibly sexy regardless of color) :D
I have no idea what I’m going to do without him. I mean yes, my life doesn’t revolve around him, I have my school work to worry about too…but the majority of my happiness came from having him in my life…and without him in it, I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like tomorrow. Not being able to text or call him whenever I want, never knowing if I’m going to see him again. For all I know, he’s probably going to end up quitting Texas and moving to South Carolina…JUST so he won’t have to deal with seeing me. I was really hoping that things would work out for us. Well really, I’m still hoping. I know that I can’t give up on us this easily; it’s been almost a year and I know that we didn’t stay together this long for nothing. Being with Drew is not just a comfort or security issue for me. Not a fear of being alone, or just knowing that I have someone there…it’s complete and passionate love more than anything in the world. I don’t just want him back…I NEED him back. I want my Drew back. Yep…that’s right….MY DREW :(
I want him back sooo badly…it’s so f*ing hard to just sit here and wonder what he’s thinking about, what he’s doing, anything and everything relating to him. I’m so scared that this is going to be my only chance…that I’ll never get another one to have him back in my life. I can’t help but wonder what’s going to happen now. I mean obviously, I’m going to be single for a lonnng time; I mean I can’t even imagine TALKING to another guy right now, let alone dating…but this sucks so bad. In the back of my mind I was always scared that this day would come, that I would let myself be vulnerable again and that…of course…once again, I would be left here with my heart broken.
At the same time though, when I really sit here and think about it, these past couple weeks have been by FAR the toughest in our relationship. Up until this point, we never really argued, but I kind of knew that summer school would be the time our relationship would be put to the test. It was our “make it or break it” moment…and I guess he just couldn’t make it. It’s sad though, knowing that the end of summer school is only 10 days away. And honestly, if he can’t make it 10 more days I have no idea how the hell we were supposed to make it 10’s of years.
I love Drew more than anything in the world. I know everyone knows that…but I can’t help but let everyone know over and over and over again. He really is the only person I can ever imagine myself lying next to at the end of a rough day and being automatically cheered up just by being in his presence and looking in his incredibly gorgeous blue eyes (that have their tendencies to change color but are incredibly sexy regardless of color) :D
I have no idea what I’m going to do without him. I mean yes, my life doesn’t revolve around him, I have my school work to worry about too…but the majority of my happiness came from having him in my life…and without him in it, I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like tomorrow. Not being able to text or call him whenever I want, never knowing if I’m going to see him again. For all I know, he’s probably going to end up quitting Texas and moving to South Carolina…JUST so he won’t have to deal with seeing me. I was really hoping that things would work out for us. Well really, I’m still hoping. I know that I can’t give up on us this easily; it’s been almost a year and I know that we didn’t stay together this long for nothing. Being with Drew is not just a comfort or security issue for me. Not a fear of being alone, or just knowing that I have someone there…it’s complete and passionate love more than anything in the world. I don’t just want him back…I NEED him back. I want my Drew back. Yep…that’s right….MY DREW :(
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Just...Plain...Exhausted
Man, what a couple weeks I've had. So about 4 weeks ago I started my summer school class...A&P (take 2). I definitely have to say that it's slightly easier the second time around, everything starts to make a little more sense; but it's still hard as hell and I've been busting my ass these past 4 weeks so that I can get my A. I've been doing a good job so far, but Thursday and Friday I have 3 exams total...one-third of my final grade. It's been sooo incredibly stressful for me these past 4 weeks. I'm literally about to be at my breaking point with both physical and emotional exhaustion. Getting up at 4:30 in the morning when you are NOT a morning person...just to get to ODU by 6am for lab...I'm tired ALL THE TIME. All the hard work and sacrifices that I have had to make just to get this A...it's so much to take in. Especially when I'm risking everything by not being able to see Drew as much as I would like.
I don't know what I'd do without that boy. Even picturing a day in my life without him gets me upset...I don't know what I'll ever do if he's ever truly gone. Ya know, I never really thought that you would truly "know when you find the One." I always hoped for it, yes, but never really expected it to happen...then it did. Drew is the only guy I EVER want to be with. For the rest of my life. For better or for worse, richer for poorer...I don't care as long as it's with him. Only 4 more weeks to go til this class is over though...hopefully I'll make it through... & we'll make it through together.
I don't know what I'd do without that boy. Even picturing a day in my life without him gets me upset...I don't know what I'll ever do if he's ever truly gone. Ya know, I never really thought that you would truly "know when you find the One." I always hoped for it, yes, but never really expected it to happen...then it did. Drew is the only guy I EVER want to be with. For the rest of my life. For better or for worse, richer for poorer...I don't care as long as it's with him. Only 4 more weeks to go til this class is over though...hopefully I'll make it through... & we'll make it through together.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
