I Hate Growing Up

Even though I always say that I love school, the start of this week has just been complete HELL. I didn't do anything that I said I was going to do over Spring Break, and I've come to realize that I'm the biggest procrastinator in the world.

I knew that I had an exam coming up today...but did I study over break? Absolutely not. I'm pretty sure I failed it today...and on top of that, didn't even get my lab report finished so I probably got a bad grade on that as well. What the heck is wrong with me? It's not like I even did anything productive over Spring Break. I still haven't found a car, still haven't got my eyes checked (I'm on my last pair and can't order any until I get them checked; AND I can't see worth shit right now), still haven't got my last hepatitis shot, and still haven't gotten my hair cut. I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm grown and moved out of my parents' house. I'm honestly scared to go to the doctor by myself because I'm scared that I'll pass out from the shot like I almost did last time. Car shopping, well, I'm just scared that I'm going to be ripped off on something because I'm a girl, and just in general--I hate being by myself.

All in all, I'm honestly scared of growing up. I know I talk to my parents like I've got everything under control and I know exactly what I'm supposed to do in life, but i have no clue. I don't really pay for anything right now. I mean my cell phone bill, all my food, clothes, and gas; but other than that, I have no idea where my money goes. I can't imagine going from this lifestyle I have right now to one where I have rent, utilities, insurance, car payments, and God knows what other bills. I want to move out of this house SO BAD sometimes because I just feel like I'm this huge inconvenience to my parents, but I just can't get up the balls to do it. Everything has been pretty much handed to me all my life, and while I thank my parents for always being there for me and providing me with that stuff, sometimes I do wish that I had it rough so that I would be more prepared for "going out into the real world."

I know I'm only 18...I'm still young and I have a long way to go--but I feel like I'm growing up too fast. I loved junior and senior year. I had so much fun, I was able to drive and do whatever the hell I felt like doing--minus the 12:00 curfew, but I still had a blast. Sometimes I just wish I could go back to high school. Wow.......never thought I would hear that come out of my mouth...